Bill Gate’s gave his last keynote CES earlier tonight. How was it? What giant revelations did he have? Is he still as boring and un-charismatic as ever? Read on to find out. Oh, but yeah, he still can’t deliver on the charisma thing.
It all started with some of the crappiest music I could endure, Paulson, whatever. That led into the much hyped reveal of Mr. President and CEO of CES, Gary Shapiro, yeah no Gates yet. Once he was done pimping CES he introduced Bill Gates. (Note: this is his 12th and final CES). The Xbox was announced at CES some years ago, as well as a number of big Microsoft products. Mr. Gates walks onto stage to a funky remix of the ‘If you believe in magic’. He starts with talk about hopes and dreams. The technologies that have grown in the past few years.
It’s all about the first “Digital Decade”. He claims all media will be software, not hardware driven in the future. All about customizing your experience wherever you are. The TV meeting the Internet, i.e. their very own Windows Media Center.
Holy crap, then they did this crappy montage, skit thing about what Bill Gates last day will be like. I think they’re trying to make him lovable or something before he goes. They had him rapping with Jay-Z, working out with Matthew McConaughey , rocking out with Rock Band while on the phone with U2 singer Bono. Steven Speilberg, George Clooney, John Stewart, even Hilary Clinton, Obama, and Al Gore make cameo’s. All of the guys at Microsoft like to let their hair down and have a good laugh. They’re people just like you and me, not a gigantic, retarded, monopoly, right?
On to the second “Digital Decade”. What continues to grow. He talks about the cloud-based approaches and applications working cross platform. He says HD is going to be big. Really? Quality will improve? No? Computer’s will begin to understand, they will know where you are and what you’re doing. Finally, “touch” is a going to be big new thing. What? No. This is all going to build over the next ten years. All around Microsoft products of course.
Now for some numbers. Over 100 million people are suffering through, I mean using Windows Vista, since it’s launch. Over 400 million using Windows Live, and over 20 million using Windows mobile. Then some chick comes out to talk about how Windows Live is her “life line”. Boring!
Ah, Bill is back. He’s showing some features of the new Microsoft Surface. It’s a camera system that let’s you use your fingers to manipulate a computer screen and program (kind of like Playstation Eye).
Looks like Microsoft has partnered with NBC to use their Silverlight tech for broadcasting the 2008 Olympics. Starting 8.8.08 the Olympic games will be enhanced using the Silverlight runtime broadcast live and on-demand over the internet. Guess that means it will only work on Internet Explorer.
Robbie Bach wants to tell us a little about ‘connected’ entertainment. He says Windows Vista is a success, HA! Sorry. The Xbox 360 has had a great year. They’ve sold more than Nintendo and Sony both in the gaming market. They have passed the 10 million mark for users on Xbox Live. Xbox Live will be adding content from more studios like Disney, and MGM as well. Media Center is expanding, or ‘extending’ into new realms. Samsung and HP will be adding Media Center functionality to upcoming media devices. DVR Anywhere is being added to their Media Room tech to allow you to record and watch your tv anywhere. Finally Media Room will integrate with Xbox 360 through British Telecom to connect the 360 to your tv.
The new Zune came out and they think it’s a clear alternative to the iPod. It’s a “social” experience. Some other chick comes out to show us Zune Social. Blah, blah, blah, more social networking junk for the Zune and your music playlists. It’s like a gamercard for the Zune. I think. Everything leads to purchasing.
Automobiles are another avenue they’ve entered with Sync. When you get in the car it, you guessed it, sync’s with any Windows device you have, such as the Zune, or a Windows mobile phone, all using voice to control things. Windows Mobile sells more than the iPhone, They had to throw that in there.
Bill’s back to show us the future. They have some new stuff like visual recognition software, like Terminator or something. It looks really cool. His video phone uses points and locations to give you information and deliver 3D maps of things you “scan”. Also some new video/photo aggregation software.
Robbie challenges Bill to Guitar Hero. Kelly Lay-Yone (gamertag: TipperQueen) joins the two onstage for the contest, taking the place of Robbie. Then Bill brings out the Slash to take his place, although he’s playing a real guitar.
Right, there was nothing. No big announcement. The end. What a craptastic crapfest of crap. I can’t believe I wrote this much.
Boom!