Everyone knows the best place to play the Nintendo DS is in the bathroom while you rest and think about your day. Who needs a newspaper when you can blast aliens and save princesses? Not me. Why do you think the DS is the most popular system around? It’s not because of the Pictochat, I can tell you that much.

Anyway, let’s get to that countdown thing already. The Top Ten Toilet Titles! I had to use the word “titles” because games doesn’t start with the letter “t” and that’s no good. So here it goes.

10. Meteos

This is a really great action packed puzzle game by the guy who did Lumines for the PSP. He wanted to make a game especially for the DS and it’s unique touch screen controls. Not only did he succeed, but it’s one of the standout titles on the DS spawning similar titles like Planet Puzzle League and others. The basic idea is that their’s a bunch of junk called Meteos falling to whatever planet you’re on. Your job, you guessed it, defend the planet. You do this by sliding the little buggers up and down, sorry no side to side in this game. All you have to do is match up three or more of the same Meteos and they blast up and away off your planet. The sound effects and music are some of the best on any DS game. It’s really satisfying every time you send a bunch of Meteos flying into outer space and you hear that triumphant super hero like “duh duh da!” The game is pretty simple and short, but you can play through Wifi which helps the life of the game. The game really is bite size, so if you’re just in for a short stop to the commode then it’s perfect.

9. Race Driver: Create & Race

You may not have ever heard of this game. I think it got lost in the crowd. However, it’s a superb racing game with a lot of extras to keep you playing. The most notable of which is a really cool track creator. You can draw and edit your very own tracks, then you can race on them. Not only can you race with a friend over Wifi, but the tournaments will keep you going, allowing you to unlock different cars and stuff. When you do decide to take it online, you’ll be able to customize your car to a point also. No matter how much time you plan on spending relaxing, you can still go fast.

8. Big Brain Academy

You may think you’re smart, but you could always be smarter right? Big Brain Academy aims to help grow the size of your brain with it’s arrangement of mini-games and puzzles. There’s a wide variety of puzzles to choose from. All of which will probably make you feel more stupider than smarter at first. Ah crap, I’m so stupid. Oh well, can’t go back now. Anyway, before I say anything more stupider, let’s move on. Crap! The game has three modes of play, Test, Practice, and Versus. Also five classes of puzzles, which I will now copy and paste from wikipedia. Think (Logic-themed questions), Analyze (Reason-based questions, Compute (Math-themed questions), Identify (Visual-themed questions), and Memorize (Memory-based questions). All of which will challenge you until you’re sick of pooing.

7. Jam Sessions

Drop the kids off at the pool and grab your guitar. Well, not actually your guitar, and if we’re going there, then not actually your kids either. But seriously this “game” is pretty sweet. I say “game” because it’s not really a game in the sense that you have objectives and goals. It’s more of a simple simulator. It’s called Jam Sessions for a reason. You just jam really. They give you a pretty weak selection of songs to strum along with, but the real fun of this game is just making your own beautiful music. You can record up to five of your original creations to play back. Might I suggest not singing along if you are indeed playing in the lavatory.

6. Tetris DS

A classic with a twist. Actually, it has quite a few, and by twist I mean new play modes. We’re all familiar with the basic block stacking gameplay of Tetris right? Well, they’ve really packed this one full of stuff this time. Various “touch” modes take advantage of the DS. While, all the classics are there. Oh, and the best part is it’s all Nintendo themed, meaning old school 8-bit goodness. Stuff like levels that take place on vertically scrolling Metroid backgrounds and other cool little touches like that. This incarnation of Tetris has to be one of the best as of late. Almost like they actually cared about making it good and not just cashing in. So, if you’re making a deposit (see how I turned that around?) and need something to pass the time, this is a great “waste” of time. (Get it, waste? Nevermind.)

5. The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass

Look, this game is not for the quick trip to the pot. This is for those long hauls after a few days of nothing but grilled stuft burritos, if you get my drift. This game is really a masterpiece on the DS. The graphics look better than most games on the system. It’s one of the only action/adventure type games on the platform. Some people have said they don’t like the fact that the game uses only touch controls, not any buttons for gameplay. I think it works. The only things I’m not really a fan of in this game is the amount of reading, mostly the useless reading. The other thing I didn’t like was that you can’t save the game anywhere, and you don’t know exactly where you’ll continue from when you do save. Other than those two little things it’s a great game. The puzzles are great and take advantage of the touch screen very well, as do the weapons like the boomerang. Expect numb legs by the time you leave the lu after this game.

4. Elite Beat Agents

Now, I’ve never been a big fan of dance games or music based games in general, but this game was really fun. I’ll try not to make any “beat” jokes, don’t worry. This game has such a unique style, the art and writing both. The basic idea is that these three dudes are like dancing superheroes that respond to peoples cries by dancing and grooving to the music. Your job is to help them help all the stressed out people in trouble by keeping the beat. You touch the screen on the beat and sometimes spin or follow short little paths between beats. It may sound simple, but trust me it gets pretty darn hard. The music is all covers of songs ranging from newer pop like Avril Lavigne’s Sk8ter Boi all the way to older songs like September by Earth, Wind and Fire. As bad as that may sound, most of the songs are pretty good and fun to play along with. Each song has it’s own comic book like story that plays out as you follow the beat. If you’re good the story reflects that, if you suck, the story quickly goes downhill. Suck too much and you fail and have to retry. If you’re going to take this game to your private library with you, you might want to take headphones to get the most out of it.

3. Clubhouse Games

This is an essential game to have if you own a DS. It’s packed full of goodies. It has 42 games for goodness sake. If you add it up that’s less than a dollar a game. Yeah, some of the games aren’t so great, but most of them are pretty fun. Great card games from Hearts to Blackjack. Board games like Checkers and Chess. Even action games like Bowling and Darts. All of these can be played through the single player challenges to unlock extras, like themes and pics. They can also be played online with your friends over Wifi. Given that most of these games are rather short makes it perfect for a quick pick-up-and-play sit down session.

2. Mario Kart DS

Best Mario Kart game yet. It is the first one to do online multiplayer. It has most of the levels from all the old Mario Kart games, plus a bunch of new ones just for the DS. The graphics transition very well to the handheld. All the basics from other Mario Kart games that made them all so fun. What more can I say? If you’ve ever played a Mario Kart game, or enjoy racing games with weapons, this game is a must have. Most of the tournaments are short enough you should be able to finish them in one sitting too. Some of the later races are kind of hard and may need to be paused for the next visit to your throne room however.

1. New Super Mario Brothers

Do I really have to write about this game? I mean come on, it’s a Super Mario platform game. Okay, I’ll write. This game is freaking amazing. It really is Mario at his best. Back to his roots, this game takes Mario through dozens of levels and a great variety of scenery. It also adds some great new power-ups, like Mario Hulking out, turning super huge and barreling through everything in your way, or the teeny tiny mushroom that makes Mario small enough to fit in tight spaces and even walk on water. Most all the standard Mario elements are their, but they’ve been enhanced and supplemented with new moves you might recognize from some of his more recent 3D outings. Speaking of 3D, the entire game is rendered in beautiful 3D splendor, yet it always keeps you on a flat 2D platform (except for the world map). This game is great for anyone who likes Mario games and remembers what it was like to save the Princess all those years ago. The good folks over at Nintendo weren’t content with stopping at a full new Mario adventure, no, it seems they just can’t get enough of those mini-games they’re so fond of. That’s right, this game also includes a number of mini-games to pass the time after you finish the main quest with Mario. Some of them are even Wifi enabled. Wow, talk about bang for your buck, this game really does have it all. Sometimes I drink glasses of prune juice just to have some alone time to play this game. It’s that good.

Wow, that was a lot of writing. I can’t believe I wrote all of that. And in one sitting none the less. Did I say sitting? That’s right. I’m writing this after a long day of Pepto Bismol and Taco Bell. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

Boom!